you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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