I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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