I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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