Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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