my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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