I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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