dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
