Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So. Much. Porn.
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