im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
