I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You ruined the universe
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
