Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
