so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
