so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize