mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
