why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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