wanna go halves on a baby?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
