I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
