I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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