To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
