What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
