so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize