no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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