I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize