When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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