Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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