wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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