Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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