i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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