Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
