How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
