And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
