ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize