He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
