So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
