In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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