He kissed a someone with a penis
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
