I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
