Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
