this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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