got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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