he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
