halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
