My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
