JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
