His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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