i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
