Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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