gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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