My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
