my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
