she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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