somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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