she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
