I'm gonna have a badass scar
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
