he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize