Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
